literature

Letter to a Friend

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Literature Text

I'm actually glad you died.

You didn't deserve what this life did to you. It was hard to notice the pain at such a young age. At first I thought it was rebellion. Not until much later did I end up realizing it was more like desperation. I rode your rollercoaster for quite some time, but soon it brought me down and I had to get off. Still, thanks for the ride.

Do you remember German? I swear we'd spend the entire class period searching our dictionaries for any and all swear words and dirty phrases...and we'd use 'em, too! And there’s no way we’ll forget our teacher, Hitler's grandma. We used to laugh when she'd yell at us for saying, "Alle Deutsche Maedchen sind haesslich!" We didn't care that the only reason we thought that was because our books were printed in the early 80s. (I mean, come on. Everyone was ugly in the 80s.) However, my two year stint in Germany sure proved us wrong. Those Aryan hotties would’ve made you take back things you never stole!

As long as I knew you, making friends was definitely not your strong point. Not that you cared. I'm not quite sure if there was anyone you ever met that you didn't offend again and again. Luckily, I learned to laugh at myself at an early age, so we never had a problem. Kids would always be getting sucked into your independent charm trap, but it never took long before they took off leaving a piece of themselves behind. You sure did make me laugh…even if it was sometimes at the expense of others.

Can you remember the long bike rides through the broken streets of Beaver County? From Freedom to Rochester, from Rochester to Beaver, from Beaver to New Brighton. We’d cruise the back streets looking for run down steel mills to break into. We’d sit up on the grassy hills and watch the lights shimmer as they’d reflect off the Ohio. Everything seemed so peaceful up there. Everything made sense.

Then there was the ladies. Ya know, my quiet, goofy nature, which alone usually wasn't the best chick magnet, made me a thing of worship in comparison to your degrading pick up lines. Don't get me wrong, they were hilarious. I just don't think they won you any points, except with the occasional psycho beast. But hey, thanks for making me look good. I sure needed it.

It wasn't until you were 16 when you finally could claim independence from your abusive uncle and live on your own that your skeletons really started to fall out of your closet. The late night testimonies of childhood lost and mental anguish showed me a terrifying world I'd never known before. A violent father who managed to leave scars before he left this world and his little boy behind. A mother's suicide and the young child who found her. Stories that made me cry. Stories that made me grateful. Stories that found me in awe of how well you carried such burdens.

But I should have known that it couldn’t last. The weight ended up slowly breaking you. Of course, the massive amounts of drugs sure didn’t help. You became edgy and angry. Your smooth overcompensating composure gave into coarse and uninviting cynicism. I was lost and didn’t know how, or if, I could help you. It almost felt like you were trapped in a sea of sorrow, but the waves of your pains were beyond my comprehension and I felt myself drowning every time I tried to “save” you. It grew too much and we grew apart. You were still my bro, but I just couldn’t head down that track you were traveling. It was too steep and too fast. I guess you felt it eased the pain.

Soon you became our cliques very own Bigfoot. Ya know, there were sightings once in a while, but no actual proof of your existence. You had disappeared and lived a life that never seemed to cross my own. But every now and then I would wonder how you were doing and what kind of mischief you were up to. I never looked you up. I just figured that you knew where you could find me. I should have looked you up.

My sister was the one who told me. I was overseas attempting to find growth and fulfillment. But the whole time I never knew. I never knew about you. I never knew about the cancer. I never knew you were quickly fading. I never knew I could save you.

I never knew that ever since I met you…you were saving me.
*Found this whilst clearing out a zip disk. Never submitted cuz it never felt finished. Oh well.

Writing Prompt #0005 - Write a letter to a friend you went to elementary school with.

Ok, I skipped prompt 4, ‘cuz it sucked...or ‘cuz I suck and couldn't think of anything. And on top of that, I'm taking artistic license and writing a friend I didn’t really meet until middle school, not elementary school. Sue me. I dug up a lot of feelings and memories and didn’t know exactly how to convey them, so it’s pretty choppy and random. I might go in and mess with it later…but probably not.
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grotesque-emo's avatar
wow its amazing...
it made my tears fall down... :(
its so expressive and touching